One of the “things” currently in vogue (and has been for thousands of years) is the “Love your neighbor as yourself,” commandment in some form. The key provision here seems to be the “as yourself” part. I TOTALLY agree with that concept, by the way. There seems however to me, to be a huge gap between saying it and teaching people exactly how to do that. In my opinion (and experience) Post-its on the mirror and reciting the mantra, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me,” (thank you, Al Franken) have a noticeably short half-life.
I shouldn’t be allowed to tell someone, including myself, to “learn to love themselves” without teaching them exactly how to do that. And the only way to teach them is by doing it myself. Develop a simple easy to use method, THEN teach it. Best done by example.
How am I personally doing in this vein? Well, let’s just say when I look in the mirror the first thing that DOESN’T come to mind is, “Wow, what an amazing example of the divine.” (I do have a friend whose two-year-old runs up to the mirror when she sees herself in it and begins kissing herself, as if she has seen her best friend.)
When and why do we stop doing that? I have some ideas, and some of them are quite nefarious.
But, as I have been told, the sculptor of marble doesn’t worry about the first hit or two of their chisel seemingly having no effect. They don’t expect it to happen before the one-hundredth hit. That’s the nature of the stone. They know that with the first hit of “maybe I am actually ok,” the molecular structure of the rock wall of self-hatred begins to change.
And, though it seems that we are supposed to love ourselves so that our neighbor has a chance, it seems that there is a considerable overt effort in teaching people early in life to NOT love themselves. I understand the economic and crowd control advantages in that. The side effects of such efforts are also all too clear to me. Side effects? People who love themselves do not harm others, much less kill others or themselves.
As I look back on the lives of those who were given the responsibility to “rear” me, I recognize their efforts as being the best they could do, based on their being humans who had and continued to experience significant degrees of unrecognized, unrelenting, and unresolved significant trauma. Hurt people, hurt people. Even if we love them.
I find some things fascinating and sometimes it seems no one else notices these things. As I came to a stop light in a small town in northern Ohio, I saw a sign for a business that read, “Bertolli’s Monuments (gravestones) and Countertops.” Reminds me of a convenience store advertising “Fresh bait and Sushi.”
Space X recently experienced what it called a “Rapid Unintentional Disassembly” (RUD) of one of its rockets, which of course means that it blew up. If I am to believe what the gentlemen who is now our president says he is going to do, America may very well experience a “Rapid Intentional Disassembly” (RID) of our historic version of democracy. Blow it up. There have been some significant explosions already and I imagine there will be more. Some promises he keeps.
I’m in for my physical therapy appointment and notice all the following services they offer: Associative Awareness Therapy, Pelvic Floor Rehab, Vestibular Rehab, and one that really caught my eye, Face Stretching. Hmmmm.
I had a couple of experiences recently that were very touching. Tom, a friend of forty plus years, had just been released from the hospital and returned home under hospice care. His wife sent a message and said he wanted to talk to me. Another was a friend, Lana, who told me, while in Jerusalem she had put a prayer in the Wailing Wall for me. It reminded me how good it feels to be remembered/thought of and a message to continue to do that for and to others.
I really deeply appreciate when a person, company, or corporation has the courage to pronounce their loyalty to a political party, candidate, philosophy, religion, value system, or cause. That takes a ton of courage. It helps me know exactly what neighbors, neighborhoods, environments, and situations my granddaughters and grandsons are safest in. It lets me know where the predators are likely to reside and where the safe houses are. Sort of like those signs that tell kids where they can go in the neighborhood if they are feeling unsafe. I guess for me too.
Cognitive decline has become a commodity. Most recent example was a trip to my audiologist where I noticed a poster selling hearing aids suggesting that lack of hearing acuity was a risk factor in cognitive decline. That piqued my curiosity. Are there studies that suggest deaf people are more prone to cognitive decline than those of us who can hear? I asked my audiologist, and she said it was a good question and that she didn’t know. Thus, my suspicion that using cognitive decline to sell hearing aids was nurtured.
I happened to hear part of a speech by DT JR, who suggested that a “Young person’s vote should count less than their parents.” After working with 18-year-olds for 3 decades, I can’t imagine saying anything more offending and demeaning to most of that group of people. I say, “most of,” because I am sure that there are young people who would totally agree with the idea that they are not worthy, if they are told by their leaders that “It is so.”
In that way they may mimic their parents, many who model enthusiastically signing up for people and policies that promise (and have managed to) take their basic human rights away. There will be more to come. Just try not to act surprised or betrayed; especially those of you who asked for it.
There is a term in psychology called “projection.” That’s where I sub-consciously defend myself from my thoughts, feelings, motives, impulses, qualities and inadequacies by denying their existence in myself and attribute it to someone (individual, group, religion, political party, etc.) I wonder if he was telling us something that he believes to be true of himself?
I recently was reminded that although many suggest that their relationship with their partner or their family is the most important part(s) of their life, that may not correlate with how much time, money and attention is actually invested in learning “How to” do those things better. How many training courses do I attend for my continuing education in relationships; how many books have I read, etc.? To what degree do my behaviors reflect my rhetoric? The tools for intimate relationships are different in so many ways. They are perishable, specialized tools. As different as the tools for rough carpentry differ from those of a finish carpenter.